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Taking a Leek Of
course I ate too much, and waddling out to the parking lot I asked Margaret
to drive because I was feeling queasy -- I think from the raw onions. Our return took us past some of the
finest homes in the city, whose grounds swept from the road right up to the
front door, and it was there the dreadful emergency occurred. Needing to throw up, I opened the
passenger side door and, hanging my head out, I biodegraded somebody's
carefully manicured lawn.
Margaret, of course, was mortified, and I won't try to reconstruct
what she said to me, but I don't think it was very romantic. When I got my voice back I suggested
our wisest course was to make a fast getaway. She
became completely speechless when I insisted we had to go back to the scene
because while I was leaning over, my keys had fallen out of my shirt
pocket. Since there was no place
to park, Margaret had to pull off the road alongside my anniversary meal
which I had to comb through with my fingers (by the way, it was the
raw onions). Would you believe I
couldn't find my keys, and for the second time we sped away. Again, I think I should pass over in
discreet silence how Margaret thought she would remember our 41st
anniversary, I have to admit that I was really glad that the bumper sticker
on my care reads "United Methodist clergy." Since
Margaret keeps Handiwipes in the car, I was able to get my hand clean. Then I reached for my handkerchief --
back right pocket -- and, as the New Testament scholars say -- "Lo and
behold" there were my keys.
Now, since I never carry my keys in my handkerchief pocket we have a
need here for a little hermeneutics, what non-seminary-trained people call an
explanation. It
only took a minute to figure out that what happened is this: when the keys fell out of my shirt
pocket they were beamed up to heaven, cleaned off and then beamed down to a
pocket where it would be obvious to me and Margaret that a miracle had
occurred. I regret to tell you
that Margaret has serious skeptical reservations about the adequacy of this
spiritual account, but it is my story and I am sticking with it. I
draw this conclusion. We are all
retching sinners. That means our
human frailty is not only pandemic and pathetic but ridiculous. Therefore, we Presbyterians not only
pray for grace to sustain us in our private weaknesses, but also to save us
from our public strengths -- those efforts for which many people praise us. Our
recent churchwide troubles which produced charges like "dishonorable
actions" and "inflammatory speech" might remind us: (1) that the same person can be described, depending on the
perspective, as spineless or flexible, intolerant or committed, arrogant or
courageous; (2) that the human temptation is to lock our adversaries into the
negative descriptions and throw away the keys; (3) that the divine mandate is
to forgive as we would want to be forgiven (Matthew 6:12) and to have in us
the mind of Christ (Philippians 2:5) who is full of grace and truth (John
1:14). In any case, according to
John Calvin, the precept of the Christian religion is "humility." The second is also humility and so is
the third (Institutes, II.2.11).
Charles
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